so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it because I queefed?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
