Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
