Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
