Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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