i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
