She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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