It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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