well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
