Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
