Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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