Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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