I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
