yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
