I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
