I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
