I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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