The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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