So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
