He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
