Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The feeling are messing with the penis
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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