I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
