8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
