all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
