I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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