I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
