i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
