Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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