those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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