I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
