Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
