i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
