i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
