standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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