fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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