This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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