I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
