Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
