You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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