i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
