apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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