my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
