I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
