Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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