The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
