dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
