Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
