Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
bring money and cleavage
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Randomize
