Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
