considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
