just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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