I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
