apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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