What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
