Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
