Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
